Decide who is in the draw
The three usual arrangements are adults only, everyone over a certain age, or everybody with children drawing from a separate hat. Each works, but mixing them silently does not. Write down which one you are using and which names are in which hat.
Children drawing for children keeps the gifts age appropriate and the budget low. Children drawing for adults sounds charming and produces a lot of scented candles bought by a parent.
The budget problem in families
Households in a family rarely have the same amount of money, and a Secret Santa is one of the few occasions where that becomes visible. A lower budget than anyone thinks necessary is almost always the right answer, because it protects whoever is stretching and nobody minds spending less.
The other half of this is agreeing that the stated budget is the whole gift. Someone adding a second present outside the exchange undoes the point of having one.
Revealing names, and the extra gift problem
Most families reveal at the end, because the fun is in guessing and someone always wants to say thank you properly. Say so in advance either way.
The sheet includes a line for whether gifts outside the exchange are happening at all. If grandparents are buying for every grandchild regardless, write it down, so the people who assumed one gift each are not caught out.
Questions
- Should children be part of a family Secret Santa?
- Usually in a separate draw of their own, so gifts stay age appropriate and the budget stays low. Children drawing for adults tends to mean a parent choosing and paying anyway.
- How do you set a budget across different households?
- Set it lower than seems necessary. A low budget protects whoever is stretching, and nobody objects to spending less. Agree that the stated budget is the whole gift.
- Should names be revealed at the end?
- Most families do, because guessing is half the enjoyment and people want to say thank you. Either way, decide in advance and write it on the sheet.
- What about relatives who buy extra anyway?
- Put it in writing. If grandparents are buying for every grandchild on top of the exchange, say so, so other households are not caught out expecting one gift each.